i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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