As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
