no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
