I hate all girls vehemently.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
