That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This baby is an asshole
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
