Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
