i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
