I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
where am i from again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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