No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
