My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
