2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Duck Duck Cougar?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize