woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
