i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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