Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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