lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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