i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
