I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
