There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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