whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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