i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
