The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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