u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
two words: eviction party
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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