he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
