...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
