Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize