last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize