She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize