did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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