whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
