How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
