my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
