If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
