dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
