Moan for me like Helen Keller
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
