I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize