we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize