i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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