If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
