So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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