i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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