I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
