I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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