You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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