I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
