The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
