DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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