New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
