Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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