Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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