upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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