My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
did i just pee glitter
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize