please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You took a bar mat shot.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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