you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
