I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
