you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
