U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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