Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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