dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
