i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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