I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
