Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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