Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
