Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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