he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
