porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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