We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
