Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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