He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
