I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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