Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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