My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Randomize
