that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
