Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
