College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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