As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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