I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
