i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
