I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
