I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
