my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
