your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your penis caused this!
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