He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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